This month we’re focused on the topics of forgiveness and letting go. Autumn often makes us think about letting go – when we tune into the natural world, we see evidence of letting go everywhere – the trees shedding their leaves, the natural seepage of colour from the landscape around us, migration, hibernation. Interestingly, there’s much emotional resistance to this time of year – we bemoan the days getting shorter – less natural daylight affects our mood, and we start to hunker down – going out less.

Part of letting go in this season for me is about letting go of the need to keep things the same. The yearning for the summer, which has passed. Or letting go of resistance to all of the changes that this new season brings. For me, I definitely start to want to eat food that is more hearty – stews, chunky soups – and I’m sure I eat more than I do in the summer months. I admit, I can get self-critical about this, but I’m taking notes from my cat – she eats more as the weather changes, and I’m pretty sure she doesn’t beat herself up about it!

Forgiveness:

The theme of forgiveness perhaps feels a little more complicated. We probably all have wounds that we hold onto, and often feel quite justified for this. Many of us have been hurt in our lives, sometimes repeatedly. We sometimes feel that to forgive is to condone, but it really isn’t about that. When we forgive we put down the heavy emotional burden that we carry, and we can start to heal. Forgiveness is more about ourselves than anything else. We release feelings of resentment, deliberately – we learn to let go.

Forgiveness isn’t about forgetting, it isn’t about saying that what happened no longer matters. Equally important, just because we forgive someone doesn’t mean that we have to have a relationship with them – we can forgive them, yet not have them in our lives. I think I see forgiveness as a way of cultivating inner peace – when we let go of bitterness and recriminations, we open ourselves up to the possibility of tenderness and deeper love. It’s a vulnerable place to be, as forgiving helps us to take our barriers down.

I worked through different stages of forgiveness as my marriage to my ex-husband broke down. I carried a lot of anger – initially towards him, but then towards myself and then to the marriage itself (as if the marriage was separate entity almost). To help me on the journey of forgiveness, I revisited the loving-kindness practice again and again. Sometimes focusing on just my ex-husband, sometimes just on myself and sometimes both of us. Through time I was able to genuinely wish him happiness, health and even love.

As I continued to work with this practice, I felt as if the rock around my heart was gradually being chipped away, until it was exposed – raw, vulnerable but also receptive and open. I suspect that if I hadn’t got to that place of forgiveness, I would not have been able to love again as fully and as deeply as I now do. My heart is now so open that I’m even taking the step of getting married again next year – something I thought I would never do. Forgiveness is healing. It helps us to move on.

Thanks for reading. If you'd like to share your stories, photos or videos of forgiveness or letting go, you can send these to: frankie@theheartmovement.org - let us know if we can share them on social media, and whether or not you'd like to stay anonymous.

Susie x

PS: Over this month we have some great events focusing on these themes of forgiveness and letting go. If you’re interested in joining our online community to find out more, click here.

November – Forgiveness & Letting Go

Letting Go of 2021 – A Mindful Writing Practice.

Kindness