Coping with Life Transitions
We all go through lots of transitions in life, and yet these can feel overwhelming and scary. I’ve been reading about the variety of transitions, and how these can affect us in different ways. We can think about transitions as being:
Planned
Unplanned
Disappointments
Sneaky changes
Planned
Planned transitions occur when we decide to change something, or something happens that is entirely expected. This might be things like change of job or retirement, getting married, having a baby, moving house. We know that these changes are coming, we can prepare ourselves for them – physically, emotionally. We usually talk about them with other people, and often they are things that we look forward to.
However, it doesn’t mean that these transitions are easy – we might feel uncomfortable about them, or unsure. They might result in our identity changing or perhaps our freedom shifts. They could also end up not being what we’d expected, or hoped for.
“Our wedding in June last year definitely falls under the category of planned changes! (Photo by BJB Images)”
Unplanned
These transitions are often unanticipated – we haven’t planned for them, and they don’t factor in as part of our vision for how our lives would pan out. This could be things like redundancy, illness, having an accident, a relationship breaking down, or bereavement.
These events are often stressful and painful, but hold huge potential for personal growth and reward (although this isn’t obvious at the time).
Disappointments
This might be the absence of an expected event – something doesn’t happen, or at least doesn’t happen what we expect or want it to. This might include not getting a promotion at work, being unable to conceive a much-wanted baby, or perhaps not being able to move into the house you’ve set your heart on.
These disappointments often hit us much like grief – we are dealing with loss. However, they can be more difficult for others to understand, and we can often feel alone when managing this type of transition.
“This is a picture of a Guest House myself and Phil nearly bought several years ago – it was a huge disappointment at the time when our offer wasn’t accepted”
Sneaky Ones
These are transitions that occur without you being so aware of them – they sneak up on you. Sometimes these can be positive – we become more skilled at our job; our fitness gradually improves; we become more confident at giving presentations. But things can also quietly slip away – the gradual loss of a friendship, loss of motivation at work over time, and our health.
These transitions may not hurt as much because by the time we notice them, the change has already occurred. However, if they lead to the loss of something we would rather have held onto, they can lead to feelings of regret.
What Can We Do?
Give transitions time to breathe – to embed, before making rash decisions about them. All change can feel scary, and our emotions about them can change over time. I remember starting my last Social Work job and absolutely hating it – I was looking at job adverts within a week. I decided to give myself 6 months to see if it would change, and I ended up staying 11 years!
Also, try not to dwell on the negatives. It’s very easy to get stuck on why something is wrong and to go over and over this in our minds. Yet this very rarely helps – it doesn’t motivate us to make changes, and we can feel stuck and apathetic. This isn’t about looking on the bright side or seeing the positives in the situation. It’s more about seeing the full picture – there may be a strong negative, but what else is present? We can often over-focus on a small detail – so stand back and see things as they really are.
Thanks for reading.
With a smile,
Susie