Exploring Resilience

When we talk about “resilience” – what is it that we’re really talking about? I like the phrase “bounce-back-ability”. But in what way are we bouncing back?

I don’t know that I’ve ever really thought about this before, but it strikes me that we can be resilient physically, mentally or emotionally. Ideally, we’re resilient in all three ways – but we probably need two to have a healthy level of resilience.

Physical Resilience:

I woke yesterday morning with an ache in one side of my neck, which goes into my shoulder and down my arm. As I write this, this next day, I’m still in quite a lot of pain. All from sleeping awkwardly. It got me thinking about how I’m less physically resilient as I get older – things take a little longer to heal, recovery time from small things seems to be elongated. It was actually this experience that got me thinking about this whole subject of resilience!

When I was younger, I could sleep anywhere, in any position, and wake up the next day raring to go. Have you fallen over recently? It certainly hurts a lot more that it used to when we were kids – doesn’t it? Physically, we take a little bit longer to heal – and perhaps we don’t heal quite so well as we used to.

If we aren’t as physically resilient as we were when we were younger – a natural part of getting older – I guess we need to ensure that we are more mentally and emotionally resilient. But what do I mean by that?

Emotional Resilience:

I really lacked emotional resilience when I was younger. As a child I could sulk for days over something quite small (my sister demonstrated her emotions in a large way – I did the opposite). When I felt overcome by emotions I would barricade myself in the toilet and refuse to come out. The tiniest things would overwhelm me.

As I got older, I took to my bed when I felt upset – literally hiding under the duvet; this happened in many places I lived – my housemates would be quite bemused by my behaviour, but I simple couldn’t express how I felt. Often, how I felt seemed quite out of sync with the situation. My emotional resilience was extremely low at this time.

As I’ve got older, I’ve found different ways to boost my emotional resilience – mindfulness has definitely helped. I now recognise that I can feel my emotions – they are safe, and I don’t need to hide from them – or hide them from other people. All that effort that went into suppressing my emotions has now been dissipated.

Mental Resilience:

I’ve been reflecting recently on just HOW LOUD my inner-critic used to be! I was constantly making judgements about myself – and other people. The voice in my head chattering away was so unkind, and it reflected in the way I interacted with the world – I was cynical, a little harsh and very sarcastic. Of course, when I received this back from others I brooded over it – that pattern of rumination was very familiar to me.

Self-compassion work has been key for me in building my mental resilience. However, I do think it’s worth me saying that progress hasn’t been linear. More recently I found that my inner-critic had become quite dominant again – and this seems to be linked to peri-menopausal changes. I’ve reintroduced self-compassion as a practice, and am focusing on self-acceptance. I can feel my mental resilience has been boosted again.

Spiritual Resilience:

I definitely need to do a little more thinking around this, but it strikes me that spiritual resilience is probably a thing too. There are times in life when I’ve felt that I have purpose – a reason to get up in the morning, and something that drives me. Other times this has been lacking.

At times I’ve had a strong spiritual practice – which has mainly been focused around meditation. I think, for me, the practice of coming back home to myself – however I do that – through movement, or meditation – just being present – is my form of spirituality. Or perhaps being in – and connecting with – nature. This will be a really individual thing, I know.

Keeping in Balance:

I think we can cope with one of the above being out of sync, or being less resilient in one area – but once more than one get affected, that’s when our overall resilience really starts to erode. OK – physically, I’m less resilient than I used to be – as long as I don’t ruminate over this, or let the inner critic get involved – or let it get me too down emotionally, my overall resilience remains in tact.

What do you think? Does this resonate?

Blog written by Susie Hooper - Co-Founder of Pause & Breathe. Read more about her here.